"Before my relationship with God, I went from abusive relationship to abusive relationship, and tried to find escape through drug use. It wasn’t before I hit rock bottom that I realized something needed to change."
I’m a single mom of four kids. The fathers of my children were both extremely abusive and were addicted to drugs. When I was with them, I was no better. I met the father of my two boys, Ian and Chaise, when I was 18. I was pregnant by 21. Their father was always putting me down and he often caused trouble for me with my jobs, my friends, and my family.
We started using methamphetamines. And we went from using once a month to every weekend and then using drugs nearly every day. Then we started fighting, and I remember him choking me one night. That’s when I left him, and I never saw that apartment or anything in it again. We were together for six years.
Honestly, I don’t remember much about being with him because most of those memories were suppressed by the drugs I was using. I still can't remember much today.
After that, I met the man I’d have two daughters with. I became addicted to him and drugs all at once; all I cared about was him. I became a terrible mother to my boys. I was too wrapped up in my addictive relationship.
I moved in with him, and he started mentally and physically abusing me. His whole family disliked me and they were all very manipulative. They’d hide my things and them put them back, tying to make me feel like I was going crazy. Then my boyfriend would tell me I was crazy. It eventually started working, and I no longer felt totally sane.
When I was five-months pregnant, he ended up in prison, but I still did drugs for most of my pregnancy. When my boys’ father came back into town, I brought all three of my kids to his house. I just wanted drugs.
I was unstable, and I gravitated towards unstable and abusive men. Two days into our drug use, he beat me and stole everything I had. When the cops came, I couldn’t pass a drug test.
My parents took care of my kids and I was homeless. I slept in my car for months in the middle of winter.
I started injecting meth and was diagnosed as manic depressive and bipolar with psychotic features. I then drove back to San Angelo after being gone almost 3 years, and got pregnant with, Jayden, my fourth child.
I planned on aborting Jayden.
I didn't think I could handle another baby, but then my sister called. She has no children of her own. She adopted him, and has been a wonderful mother to him. Once he was born, I went back to the my daughters’ father when he was out of prison.
I felt dead, spiritually and emotionally.
During that time, God started pointing things out to me. Every single thing I had done and was still doing, my behavior, my thought patterns... I can't even explain in words what was happening in my mind.
It changed my life. God and I had no relationship before this. I learned so much about myself and about life and people. I just remember being told to stop dying.
During all of this I became pregnant with my fifth child, Lynna. Finally, two months before her birth, I left and I never went back.
I stopped using drugs and got sober. Now, I'm a completely different person than I was a year ago.
When I watched Pastor’s Sermon, “It Had To Happen,” I knew everything I went through made me stronger and can be used for God’s glory.
It's still a battle every day. I'm still fighting. I still fall. But now, with God, I know how to get back up.